white privilege

The other day I was walking with my kids downtown when we saw a police car drive by. My oldest laughed and waived, the officers smiled and waived back.
I teach my kids to trust the police, to go to them for help. I obviously have white kids. We also don’t live in the US.
I cannot even begin to imagine what it must feel like to have to teach your children that the people whose job it is to protect you, are actually not to be trusted. Because of the way you look.

220 mutual friends

I watched Marriage Story on Netflix the other night. It's been on my watch list for a while but since watching a whole movie takes so much longer than, say, watching five 30-minute episodes of any random show.... I haven't gotten around to it.
Until now.
It was good. Sad. As I expected it to be. That's another reason I have been putting off watching it. You're not always in the mood to be sad.

I'm not getting a divorce. (that is what the movie is about, fyi)
Dylan and I had a coworker once who said "Divorce sucks. Never get a divorce. Just don't."
She had done it twice. So either the second one sucked way more, or she didn't follow her own advice. I don't know.

Facebook just told me we have 220 mutual friends, my husband and I. That and so much more. You can't just divorce a person, you have to divorce a whole family, a whole life. 220 mutual friends.

I'm not getting a divorce. I think everyone who has ever been married for more than 10 minutes has contemplated divorce. Doesn't mean you want one. But whenever there is a door marked EXIT, you're bound to be curious of what is on the other side. And sometimes think that whatever it is, it has to better. But I don't. Think it has to better, that is.

Marriage Story was beautiful and sad. And in the end it made me feel better.

Friends

I live far away from most of my good friends. I go through long stretches of time where I don't communicate with them at all. Then spurts of several long messages back and forth. I know of course that were we to live closer, I still wouldn't see them all the time. I have some friends that live close and it's amazing how you can promise each other to get together again soon and then suddenly realize it's been four months.... but the difference there is you know you could get together, if you really wanted to, or needed to. They are within reach.

But they friends that are out of reach... It warms my soul to read their messages and the see the heart emojis and xoxo's. But it saddens me immensely that that's all we can do.